For quite some time, I used to wish that if/when I were to die, things would come to a standstill. Not in a time will stand still kind of metaphorical basis but in a people's lives will come to a grinding halt kind of basis.
Yes that is selfish but isn't that what we are? We yarn to make a change in the world, on people around us - for better or for worse. And this is yet another selfish desire, last desire so to speak.
But I've come to the realisation that it doesn't happen. However much we want for it to happen - it doesn't. Yes people will shed bucketload amount of tears, there will be sadness, there will be that air of uncomfortableness but at the end of the day, it's just temporary. There will be the customs and traditions being followed and done with but after that, everyone goes home and sleeps it off.
I've tried to understand why is it that I want people's lives to stop; for their daily activities to be affected. And the answer, I think, is that everyone wants different things when it comes to 'end of life'. Some seek immortality, some a good life after death but I think I don't want either. I don't think my life, my work or my deeds will make any impact in the world and that is something everyone wants to do - atheist or religious. So, in a terribly absurd way, I hope people's lives are 'stopped' when I die. Now I understand the paradox that this is. How can someone stop living their lives when you've not made a dent in it? And that is a question I can't answer. Or can't figure out. Just yet.